I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
