Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
