omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
