i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
