He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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