I need help removing her.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Randomize
