i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
