a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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