I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
