also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
3 2 1 whiskey
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
