do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
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