gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
It's like God shit irony all over that family
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
