i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
