Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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