would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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