If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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