Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
