Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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