im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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