We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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