Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Randomize
