Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize