I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
