My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
