4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
