thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
