I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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