it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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