I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Who died my cat blue again?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
