ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
