Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
