I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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