Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
