When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize