so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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