yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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