people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
