marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
