I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
