Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
420 ftw
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
