I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
