you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
