elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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