Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
