I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
