i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
