What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize