I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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