What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
