Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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