3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I am available for nakedness
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
