shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I don't deserve a penis
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
