she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Pants are for mortals
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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