you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
