She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
