she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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