Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
