Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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