i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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