i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
