My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
