you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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