is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
