If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
