i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
