Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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