I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
