i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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